Sunday 2 December 2012
Touching up the arse of Venus
In case you were wondering, this is what I am spending my working hours on at the moment - touching up Venus before she is moved to a more suitable location than the storage room where she now temporarily resides.
She is a life-size, white statuary marble copy of an earlier rendition by Canova, and was made in Firenze sometime in the 19th century. She has obviously been languishing outside in the elements of a garden somewhere in the USA, and so her backside (along with the rest of her) has become a little rough to the touch, and I have been brought in to administer a little light cosmetic surgery. There are more difficult ways to make money.
Here in Bath, we have a more artistic type of graffiti vandal - this one has obviously been trained in the art of calligraphy. The electrics box that the tag has been written on is right next to the main entrance of the municipal Art Gallery as well. That's what I call keeping up standards.
Having changed the concept of a glow-in-the-dark bell sign to one that appears to be solid bronze, I had this 15 foot string of golden LED lights plus transformer (or what is now called a 'driver') left over, and I couldn't resist wiring it up to see what they looked like.
Before I switched it on, H.I. suggested that we use them for Christmas decoration, by hanging them around a mirror or somewhere, in the usual half-hearted way that we try to acknowledge the festivities for the kid's annual visit on Christmas Eve. Trees are not permitted.
When I threw the switch and they burst into life, H.I. suddenly changed her mind and said that she HATED yellow. As someone who spends her entire life either dealing with or thinking about colour, I have come to expect these irrational outbursts from her, but I reminded her that her daughter absolutely LOVES gold, and that Christmas was a time for giving and sharing, and that she should swallow her prejudices just for one night - for the sake of her family. So I think they will be strung up somewhere in our compact but adorable (if under-decorated) city apartment after all.
A quick footnote - In case you wonder why I have not been leaving that many comments on your blogs of late, it is simply because my version of blogger has been getting very cranky recently, and it usually takes about three attempts to post a comment from here, usually having to refresh the page with each comment and often losing the comment completely in the process. After about 20 minutes of this, I give up and stay silent.
Is anyone else having these problems, or is it just me and my machine?
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I have just tried to have a look at Cro's latest post on quilts (thinking to rip off his idea of reproducing them) but it would not load up for me, so I am unable to even see it, let alone comment.
ReplyDeleteEven posting the above comment took 2 attempts with re-loading the page in a separate window. It's driving me nuts. HELP!
DeleteI tried to comment on Elegance's blog the night before last re paying for storage space, wrote a lengthy missive from a fellow sufferer and then it just disappeared. (So, if you are reading EM, my commiserations. Pay up. I had to after all my cursing and arguing.)
ReplyDeleteLove the arse Tom. How much fun is that?
I'd prefer it if it was pink (or brown) and warm.
DeleteThanks Sarah. Sorry my blog is giving probs to followers as well as me.
DeleteI didn't realise until I read the book recently that in Ulysses, Leopold Bloom visits the National Library in Dublin to examine the anatomical accuracy of the bottoms on the statues there. I don't suppose there are many references to statues in famous novels...
ReplyDeleteIf (as I have) you look out for anatomical inaccuracies in statuary arses, you begin to appreciate some of the real ones that you have handled in the past. And that's saying something.
DeleteThe lights resemble a little dancing mouse. Hope you resolve the blogger rats.
ReplyDeleteLittle? With a 15 foot tail? How big are your mice?!
DeleteAh - I've just seen the mouse that you saw - sorry.
DeleteThere is a bum theme to your blog (pumpkins, hot air balloons, marble).
ReplyDeleteI just like saying the word 'arse', that's all. Honest.
DeleteI was going to say NICE ARSE too!
ReplyDeleteas for blogger...
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one or tw
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I switched to Google Chrome as my browser and it cured all my blogging ills.
ReplyDeleteNorth Americans call it an ass. I much prefer arse.
I thought I was looking at a pair of top bollocks at first. I hope your obvious skills can make them a little more PERT.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say the same as Cro ........ she looks a little saggy in the nether regions but, the perfect job for you as an 'arse' man.
ReplyDeleteAs for bloody Blogger ........ it's always giving me grief in one way or another........ and I've now got to pay to store my photographs !
.....and, I'm glad that your compact but adorable city apartment will have a touch of the festive spirit about it, even though it is yellow. XXXX
I use Picasa 3 for my photos.... they don't ask me to pay!
DeleteOh thanks Cro but, too late I'm afraid......I've already paid up but, it only works out at a the price of a cup of tax-avoiding Starbucks coffee per month so I have bitten the bullet and handed over my cash !!!! XXXX
DeleteJust been cooking up a storm for a Crisis @ Christmas charity lunch feeling lovely and warm and was wondering how you manage to work in these freezing temperatures Tom ? Aren't your hands freezing ? ......... do you wear fingerless gloves a la Steptoe or would that be dangerous ? .....back to the kitchen for me. XXXX
DeleteRelieved to have you back Tom. As I have not seen a post from you for a fortnight and as the last one showed that photograph of a very foreign place - I thought it was a subtle hint that you had gone off to Arabia or India or somewhere. As for that bottom on you photo - I love it - wouldn't mind one like that myself - at my age anything is an improvement on the real thing.
ReplyDeleteIf only my arse were that firm and lovely. sigh.
ReplyDeletetom missed your words today!
Deleteyour are a bit of a constant!
It looks like Blogger is giving lots of us problems. Not all to do with paying for photos. I've also found that uploading comments on other blogs is taking longer than it used to, "Please stop arsing around Blogger!" ( Not you Tom - we enjoy your 'arserbic' posts and comments.)
ReplyDelete