Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Glimpses into the lives of others
I spent most of yesterday transporting these two lumps of marble from A to B, and one of them will be the plinth for Venus, whose arse I have almost finished touching up.
When they were loaded onto the trailer, they were positioned right over the axle, but in the 15 miles or so of transport, they shifted forwards. It would have been worse if they had shifted backwards, but it did make the steering a little light. When I took the pillar section to be split into two, it was on it's side, and I held my breath for the 15 miles in case it broke loose from it's tethers and flattened a few cars as it rolled off the back. Weighing about three-quarters of a ton, nothing would have stopped it.
I have a real soft spot for the sawyer who cut the thing into two so well. He - a few years ago - cut the original, single pillar into four and that was no mean feat, since the thing had entasis (look it up) and weighed two point something tons.
As he wrapped the industrial cling-film around the lumps on the pallet (it's wonderful stuff), he said he always thought of that Welsh politician who was caught wrapped in domestic cling-film, and little else except a piece of orange and some amyl nitrate.
John the sawyer is fast approaching 60, but you would not guess it. A great lump of a man with soft blue eyes and huge but well-modulated strength, he said he was going to celebrate his birthday by walking through Spain on a solo pilgrimage to Santiago, and had allowed himself three weeks to do the 500 or so miles.
When I complimented him on the extremely good job he had made of the cutting, he quoted his grandmother thus: "If I have a fault (which I doubt) then it is an excess of modesty".
Other people's lives are just so fascinating, and I am often filled with admiration for them - when I am not wrapped up in the industrial cling-film of my own currently troubled existence.