Wednesday 19 September 2012

Pump Saga


About a month ago, a little warning light came on the dashboard of the latest Volvo, and when I checked the manual to see what the symbol meant, all it said was the computer had detected a fault which may increase petrol consumption, so I took it to the man.

The man plugged an industrial laptop into a hidden socket near the dashboard, fiddled with it, then went out to point at an obscure object deep down under the bonnet saying, "That's what it is - the air-pump. They place them so low that water gets into them and they stop working.  It's fucked, and they cost over £300 before fitting. Just ignore it, but keep your eye on the fuel consumption."

'Keep my eye on the fuel consumption'?  What for?  Was I supposed to get back to him for commiseration when I noticed the car was using more fuel than normal?

In retrospect, I had noticed an intermittent and curious whine coming from under the hood, which sounded like the gyroscopic compass of a light aircraft cranking itself up.  It turns out that this noise should be constant, and not just for a few minutes after starting the engine.

So I began scouting around for a replacement, and after rejecting dozens of expensive and filthy-looking second hand ones from America, I found this one above - brand-new (he says) - languishing on a shelf in a back-street of Istanbul, Turkey, and mine for $146 US.  I bought it, and it arrived after what must have been a stormy sea-crossing.

Pierburg (I have discovered) make dozens of different air-pumps for dozens of different marques, and they are all the same except for the hose-outlets fitted to their ends.  This one was made for a Volvo 850.  Not only that, but it was made for an 850 of the same year as mine.  The trouble is that it was not made for my particular Volvo 850, and the outlet hose does not fit it at all.

I don't know how much extra fuel I used driving down to Cornwall last weekend, so I could not go to my mechanic for commiseration - or at least not specific commiseration, only the abstract variety.

So I put this pump back onto eBay yesterday and went off to see a Pierburg pump which was made for a VW, but it turned out to to be ever-so-slightly different to what I needed.

Then I went to a highly specialised shop that deals with tractor maintainence (my spell-checker has packed up and I have tried 4 different ways of spelling this word), where I found - after rummaging through huge bins of plastic objects - a reducer which will adapt nicely to this pump, so we can have a second go at fitting it this week, so I took it off eBay.

If you think this story is boring, just imagine what it is like to be living it.  I have left out most of the unbearably tedious bits as well.

The moral (if one can be found) is that car-manufacturers have you by the short and curlies when they design systems common to many other makes and commission manufacturers to alter the details of parts so they can only be bought from a specific dealer.  These pumps all range from between £100 to £400, if you should be unlucky enough to own a VW Sharran.

I think it would cost about £200,000 to build a £30,000 car from spare parts.

11 comments:

  1. Surely if it's just an 'air pump', couldn't you jiggle a connection? Take a ferry over the channel, find a small village mechanic, they'd have it fixed before you could say Jacques Rerbbysern.

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    1. when I read the title, I thought at first that the saga was all about your local beer pumps going on the blink.( a disaster beyond imaginaton!!!)
      but alas... the truth was way WAY more interesting

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    2. Ha bloody ha. The barmaid's pumps would have made just as boring a topic for you, so I thought I would give you a bit of light relief...

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  2. You bought a pump from Istanbul???? I know you say your spell-checker has packed up - but did I really read Istanbul??
    PS Do you intend to search for a spell checker in Istanbul too??
    Incidentally you have spelt maintenance wrong (the ex teacher in me can't resist point it out.)

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    1. I know I spelt 'maintenance' wrong, Weave - that's why I pointed it out to you in the first place and - yes - the poomp did come from Istanbul, Constantinople, Istanbul, Constantinople...

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  3. Hail to thee, O Volvo Man! Well done -- if you did it...

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  4. Really? All replacement parts from America are "filthy" ?!?!? I seem to recall a box of soap that came your way that was more than CLEAN. Sheeesh!

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    1. The US pumps were filthy through desert dust, not mud like over here. This means that they will probably work, and the description of 'filthy' only refers to the accumulated honour of use. Anyway, I could have used a bar of your soap to wash them. Sheesh yerself!

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  5. Donna, i think he meant the dozens of replacement parts he was looking at for the Volvo, not that every replacement part under the sun from America is filthy.

    Good luck with the refitting, Tom. Himself loved his Volvo 240 DL and when he thought he'd replace it with a newer Volvo, his mechanic told him to steer clear, as the newer ones, like the V70 are nothing but headaches. His mechanic was sorry to have to say that but he wanted to warn Himself.

    I don't know if that's true for across the Pond, too.

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    1. Old V70s are a pain, but the newer ones - being newer - are slightly less of a liability. You sell them before they get old. Golden rule: steer clear of turbo models. New turbos are about $2000 each...

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