Thursday, 23 February 2012

Looking down the end of a hosepipe


A friend of mine took his large, white van through an automated car-wash yesterday.

Being a lot wider than your average car, the huge roller-brushes pushed the mirrors flat against the sides as he and it entered the machine, so - fearing that they would be ripped off on the return journey/journeys as the van was shunted back and forth to receive the various beauty treatments - he unwound the window and pushed the mirror forwards to maximum position. Then he found that the driver's window had stuck fully open.

The van went slowly back and forth a few times, and he too got washed, waxed and dried through the open window.

When I finished laughing at his story, I told him what happened to me a couple of years ago, when I went to the massive Mendip quarry to pick up a one-ton boulder for a job.

This quarry is so large that a one ton block is very difficult to find amongst the forty ton blocks lying about, and - when you do find one - it looks like a small pebble. The lorries which go in and out of it are the biggest allowed on British roads, but I went with a car and trailer.

I found one, had it loaded on my trailer, then went to the weigh-bridge to pay for it (about £20, I think), then set off home down the exit road out of the quarry. It was high summer, and my windows were open.

Because the quarry owners are very aware of complaints by the locals which may threaten their licence renewal, every lorry which passes out of the gate, sets off extremely high-pressure water-jets which clean the huge wheels, and most of the lorries have gigantic wheels, so the water-jets are set at a level about centre of them, which is about the same height as the open windows of a Volvo 850 estate car... You can guess the rest.

When he finished laughing, I took him over to the pub's computer and found John's little video-clip of the two boxers kissing before a fight. I thought he would like this, as he is about 6' 6", 18 stone (no fat to speak of) and used to be quite fond of hitting people. More laughs.


21 comments:

  1. Something similar happened to my (then) husband and me, all dressed up for a big gathering, took the car to the wash, the window got stuck in the open position, he panicked I calmly advised that if he reversed, no harm would befall him. Smug, or what?

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    1. I bet you said that on your wedding night too, Toffeeapple.

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  2. Does that count as his annual scrub-down?

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  3. Did you get a hot-wax too!
    m.

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  4. That sounds like good, clean fun!
    Anne

    (I couldn't resist!)

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  5. I have always been a bit scared of car washes but now I vow never to go near one. Give me the farmer with his pressure hose any day.

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    1. Now you're talking, Weaver. Speak to John.

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  6. I am unrolling my hose as I speak

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    Replies
    1. That was SOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

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    2. Are you changing the subject? Have you forgotten what you were doing?

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  7. no I liked your panty hose ref!!!!

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  8. I seem to have stumbled upon a fetish site - again.

    Yay!

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  9. Replies
    1. 'Whoa-a-whoa-a-whoa-a!' (lame reference to Tom Jones...)

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