Thursday 26 January 2012

Little axe of kindness


There has been a radio drama set in the First World War here recently, which I have been listening to with one ear (not literally, for reasons below), and it features a young soldier who has had the bottom half of his face blown off and is in a French, military hospital awaiting the basic reconstructive surgery available at the time.

His sweetheart and betrothed arrives from England to visit him, and is actually pleased that he has been wounded and not killed, but does not know the full extent of his injuries.

He refuses to allow her to see him, and believes that the possibility of their spending the rest of their lives together are now over, so he writes her a letter (he cannot talk) and gives it to the Sister in charge to hand to her.

In the letter, he tells her that he has found a new sweetheart who he has fallen in love with and intends to marry in her stead. He apologises for what has happened and says that he hopes that she will be able to find a new life without him.

As he watches the Sister read the letter, he asks, "Is that cruel enough?"

I have - in my youth - employed similar techniques when ditching girlfriends who have out-lasted their sell-by date, and I've always felt a bit guilty for doing so. Please don't get the wrong idea, because I was ditched as many times myself - but in these cases, I thought that for them to experience anger in the place of sadness would be better all round. Or at least, that's what I told myself at the time.

Looking back, I think that doing this was an act of cowardice, not compassion. It made it easier for me to deal with, but not necessarily her. Surely it would have been better to keep still and take the onslaught of abuse as she went through all the stages of logical and illogical grief that most people have to experience in order to come to terms with being dumped?

WW1 was so extreme, that it could almost be defined by the countless acts of 'bravery' and 'cowardice' that took place - for the most part, unrecorded - and the dividing line between those two qualities was very fine indeed.

37 comments:

  1. The current ruse seems to be 'I'm sorry darling, I've suddenly realised I'm gay'. I know of two people who've used this one, and all concerned seem to accept it, much more calmly than if there'd been another woman (which there probably was).

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    1. Funny you should say that - this was the very excuse of a friend of mine when he left his wife of many years standing, and now he lives with his new girlfriend. Everyone believed him at the time because he liked nothing better than to wrestle with burly men on night-club carpets when on drunken nights out.

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    2. Of course, when I say 'friend', I don't mean that I was the burly man he liked to wrestle with on drunken nights out, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea. All my abuse toward him was entirely verbal.

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    3. I've just been to a restaurant here, and we both had 'Quelle Surprise' as a pudding.

      It was sort of alright, but a bit watery for my taste. I asked them to chuck a load of sugar on top then torch it, but they said their blow-torch had run out of gas. Run out of gas - I ask you.

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  2. My high school boyfriend didn't even have the balls to tell me himself. He had his friend call me. When I asked the friend why he was doing the dirty work for the gutless Andy...he said Andy told him he'd make him a sandwich if he called me!

    I also got dumped by a fellow who I saw years later on the street in Toronto with his boyfriend. I wish he had told me he was gay, it definitely would have eased that teenaged heartache.

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  3. you never hear about it the other way around!

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    1. I have, Grouch. Many women have pretended to be lesbian just to get rid of me, and I have gay men friends who have shagged women just to get rid of them.

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  4. Love is seldom a fairy tale and there are no easy ways to say goodbye.

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    1. Stop Starting - don't start, your making me cry.

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  5. I'm stunned Thomas. You of the "tell it like it is" mentality (especially regarding this blog) lied to those women? Huh! I now suspect you're a kinder, gentler guy in real life.

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    1. Ah, but I learnt from that experience and then went around shagging all sorts of women - mostly married ones - and never lied once. I became brave, but their grandchildren will no longer talk to me.

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  6. Tom, this is not like you to be so , how shall I say it ? Remorseful Yes remorseful, in regards to how you might have harmed the psyche of others once upon a time. I am most impressed. Well done you burly man who likes to wrestle, you.

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    1. No, no, no. You've got it all wrong, you dozy Irish bimbo.

      It was NOT me who liked to wrestle. Got it? (LOL said in a weak and feeble voice...)

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    2. I woke up in the middle of the night worrying that you might have taken offence at the top line of my reply, Donna - you see, I DO suffer from remorse!

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    3. The dozy Irish bimbo part is what made me snort and laugh out loud. You funny man you. I strongly suspect Donna did the same.

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  7. WW1 seems to be saturating the air waves this week what with War Horse at the cinema and Birdsong on the television. Enjoyed both though (maybe enjoy is the wrong word if one considers what a hell hole it was)

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    1. I've had a few hell-holes in my time, but nothing compares... nothing compares... HANG ON, I'm turning into a dozy Irish bimbo... now what was her name, she with the shaven-head who could not sing?

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    2. No, I couldn't manage one of those - a 'Quelle Surprise' was all we could force down.

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  8. oh btw... at least 1 villager guessed my rude lady correctly!

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    1. Now what did I say? If it goes viral, then you will be run out of Trelawnyd - mark my words.

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    2. Oh, and btw, 'going viral' means at least 6 old ladies being aware of it in your locale.

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  9. They cant get rid of me, I run the place

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  10. naw..I have put them on the world wide web map!

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  11. Well, you certainly put a Google satellite map of your exact location - including chickens - up in the last year or so, so you have done yourself and the good folk of Trelawnyd a great service, I dare say.

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  12. perhaps I should have beeen the shadowy , mysterious
    figure that you like to portray!
    make them wanting more?

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    1. Difficult to be shadowy and mysterious when you are feeding chickens in your pajamas, I dare say.

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  13. Are you talking 'dogging' now? There is a car-park near here which is favoured by Welsh politicians who are keen on watching badgers. Easy reach from Cardiff.

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  14. South Wales people!....a strange breed!

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  15. I'll say one thing for public arguments - they certainly push up the comments rate.

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