Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Sheason of mishsts and mellow fruitulnesh (Janet Street-Porter)


We are having an amazingly bright and sunny few days here in the South West. It's perfect for what I have to do today, which is treat some fragile stone with a sealant (something I normally hate to do) whilst it is still dry.

Since my client has been waiting all summer for me to deliver it, he is hardly going to take kindly to me insisting that it should be wrapped up in sackcloth and hidden for the rest of the winter, and I am not sure how this stone is going to react to the sort of sub-zero temperatures we experienced last year - and into this year. I had a whole, huge block of stone turn into a pile of small chippings at the thaw last winter, but all the rest of the exposed carved stone at my client's house survived remarkably well. I could be in debtor's prison now if it hadn't.

All of the famous country houses wrapped their external sculpture for the winter, and this produce some remarkably modern-looking sculpture in itself. I have been trying to find some old photographs taken from gardens designed by Gertrude Jekyll (above) to show you what I mean, but you probably know anyway. The huge, stone head which you may remember from past posts would survive a nuclear explosion, and if nobody touches it, I am confident that it will still be there exactly as I left it, in 800 years time.

As of today, I can hide myself away in a cosy workshop, chip chipping away regardless of the weather outside, and I am really looking forward to it. Just me, Radio 4 and the mice for company.

My workshop is divided into two rooms - a large one and a small one. Maybe it isn't as remarkable as I find it, but the rats cavort in the large one at night, and the mice in the smaller one. I can see from the footprints in the dust that the rats make the occasional visit into the small one, but - by and large - they seem to have sorted out their territory according to scale and hierarchy quite nicely.

I hardly ever catch sight of any of them, but I often hear the mice scurrying around between the roof-tiles and felt, their little feet rattling around just above my head. They have one peculiar habit which is to always shit in the same place - right on the top of a tiny coal-burning stove that they somehow manage to climb up every night. When I start lighting it, they will have to find somewhere else I suppose, or I will have to sweep baked mouse-shit off it every day.

Anyway, I have just realised what a boring post this is turning into, so I'll go off and get on with my life now and allow you to get on with yours.


11 comments:

  1. I thought for an instant that the photograph was of your client - then I thought I am sure that is Gertrude Jekyll! Not at all a boring post Tom - always interesting to know what folk do with various bits of stone in the winter (honest)

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  2. tom, this is the sort of posts I write every day!
    I am surprised that you ever come over to going gently if you think this one is boring

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  3. I thought it was Hitchcock in drag.

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  4. Not at all boring, Tom; my favourite posts of yours concern your work, about which you are clearly extremely knowledgeable and gifted. Yes, they are second even to those about candlesticks.

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  5. Hello Tom:
    Shrouded statues are scattered throughout Budapest in the winter months in protection against the extreme low temperatures. We rather like these ghostly shapes looming large in the snow and ice.

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  6. Until I read the post I thought 'Blimey Janet Street Porter's aged and put on weight!'

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  7. The sound of freezing stone gives me a strange feeling. Like dry earth or styrofoam.

    I once had a mouse in the stove. One day I turned on a burner to boil water and I heard a loud screeching come from underneath. I can only imagine the little guy must have been resting and woke up to a burning backside. I felt kind of bad about it. But not too bad.

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  8. Whistler's mother by Alfred Hitchcock? (rearrange to suit).

    The whole post was a curse on myself - it pissed down with rain all afternoon.

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  9. I remember the stone head - it was/is an amazing piece of work.

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