Friday, 24 June 2011

T.C.W.C. in J.O.'s R.

I took my cousin and H.I. for a rather poor meal in Jamie Oliver's Bath branch of Italian restaurant a couple of nights ago, and look what I found - an original 'Thomas Crapper' W.C. refurbished and still in use after all these years. Confusingly, it is called a 'valveless waste preventer'. Do they mean that it doesn't waste water? The mind boggles.

Anyway, I promised Weaver that I would take the blog to a higher level so here we go. You should be getting a stone-related post soon (I know how much Mise looks forward to them), because today I am going to the yard which has my 4 ton block, in order to give them a cutting list for the latest masterpiece. Stone being stone, however, 'soon' could mean anything from 2 weeks to 2 months, but I am also carving a couple of Corinthian capitols, which should impress the hell out of you.

There are only 2 ways to win the heart of a fair lady though - make them laugh or make them think you are intelligent. I have learnt from experience that making them think that you are good at your job only serves to give them a false impression of your earning capabilities, and consequently think that you could be a safe bet for the future - if you still have one.

Oh, and I heard from my cousin today that the doll she paid so much for has - it turns out - mismatching arms, so the seller is getting it back and refunding the money in good grace. I have had mismatching arms since I was born, but my mother never got a refund.

I am hanging around at home for a little longer than normal today, because I called the seller of the expensive candlestick on his mobile last night and gave him a hard time. He said he had posted it yesterday, and I would receive it today. I bet he wondered how I got his number. He's going to wonder how I got his address and details of his occupation too, if it does not arrive by tomorrow morning.

I have to go to Germany next week on a flying and unexpected visit, so I really need to get that stick well before tuesday. It also means you will have a little break from my incessant witterings, so that's something else to look forward to.


  1. Hello Tom:
    Now, do you think that that wonderful lavatory could be housed inside a Biedermeier cupboard?

    Most alarming that the saga of the candlestick continues. Bad news, as are the mismatched arms of the hugely expensive doll, the cost of which, we calculate, is equal to the National Debt of Albania.

    Will be interesting to see some stone, post Germany.

  2. Is there an 'Exact' pattern for the Corinthian Capitol? Or does each carver use a certain amount of licence?

    Shame about JO's. His Brighton gaff is piss-poor also.

  3. How interesting it is that you are going to Germany where I, being German, have lived until last Sunday. I hope that you don't have to go there for a funeral or anything like that. I have moved across the pond where I currently sit in a hotel room well below my standard (aspiring to be a Hattatt here). Believe me, your "twitterings" are just what I need right now. Don't be too long.

  4. Your not going to a funeral are you Tom? A funeral in Berlin?

  5. Thank you Tom for a more erudite post!!
    Not sure lavatories fit into that category but it is moving in the right direction (no pun intended).

  6. Bog in cupboard? Yes, I can, H@tts. The stick arrived today and it is an Elizabethan beauty. I'll say no more, because I know none of you care - but a similar one sold for £3000 at auction not so long ago.

    I am copying one bought at auction, Cro - along with marble pillars, so I know what it's supposed to look like. Palladian it aint.

    I am going to Bremen to visit my good friend, who also happens to be a dentist, Iris. He's save H.I. about £30,000 in the last few years, but we love him for more than that.

  7. P.S. - Don't be lonely in your hotel room, Iris - I am thinking of you and your new, exciting life. It's going to be great. The Americans are so friendly and helpful. X

  8. Our local Jamie Oliver is next door to Carluccio's. No contest.

    Good loo though.

  9. Actually Tom, despite the ribbing, we are interested in your rabid ramblings about the candlesticks...

    Blimey, if my gnashers cost me up to £30k I'd have them removed and just drink soup through a straw.

  10. Oh all right then, I'll do more candlesticks tomorrow - YAY!!!!!

    That's what happened to H.I. before she spent the money, Chris. Now I envy her - the rest of her life with no problems (aside from general upkeep). A small price to pay. Some people pay that for dolls and candlesticks.

  11. Disappointing for your cousin that she had to return the doll - but at least she got her money back! Tom, have a good trip next week! Oops I nearly typed next wee! Phew that was lucky! Thomas Crapper is getting to me

  12. not all of us are Christopher!

  13. I know but I thought I'd humour the old boy...

    ...he's probably getting a complex about the candlesticks by now. God knows I don't want to be responsible for his huge therapists bill...

  14. Don't worry, John - Chris is trying to suck up to me. He'd have a better chance with you, I reckon. What with your medical connections, you'd probably be able to save him a few quid. - doctors and nurses and all that.

    Anyway, the two of you deserve each other - Chris trying to keep rabbits out of his vegetables and John trying to keep all manner of wildlife off his chickens - both of you utterly fucking clueless as to how to simply remedy the situation. No wonder an overweight, black woman falling off a table is light relief for you all.