Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Never, EVER star in your own advert

For a start, those handymen/women amongst you will know that this DVD is shaped like a diamond-coated, high-speed cutting blade, so even the initial act of shoving it into your disc-drive is enough to make you wince.

Here in London, England, there is a genuinely brilliant company called 'StoneTools' - very handy if, like me, you work with stone - but even if you don't, this promotional dvd is well worth watching for it's sheer... er... badness.

I came across this 2005 promo that they posted me whilst searching for something else last night, and played it again for old time's sake. To be fair, it does also contain a catalogue of products and prices, but it is now well out of date so I haven't bothered to show you that bit.

On the positive side, it has a very dream-like quality to it - the manager sitting in his dingy office contemplating suicide, then changing his mind as Steve the Angel drifts through the wall and writes the answer to all his problems in the dust on the desk, makes me think that they should sack the cleaner for a start.

I cannot be easy, talking to camera with a urinal as a back-drop and a mason drinking coffee and ignoring you in the fore-ground.

The life-affirming 'thumbs up' at the very end is also a masterly touch - they must have sent Steve to RADA for a couple of hours to produce such a fine performance.

Keep up the good work, StoneTools!


  1. Sir James Dyson and Bernard Matthews almost got away with it - almost - but I have seen so many similar examples (car salesmen in the main) on American TV, that I really think they must have lost a lot of sales with the adverts.

  2. Enthusiasm by the bucket load... Wonderful.

  3. Hello Tom:
    We are far too busy starring in the real world to have to advertise!

  4. I wish I could differentiate between the the real world and the one that I usually inhabit, Hattatts - you're lucky!

  5. arrrhhhh marijuana!!!
    he must be on shed loads by the quality of that voice!

  6. 6 comments ? See John, Tom needed me much more.And besides I have plenty of goats of my own here whereas I do not have a single bad video. Thanks Tom

  7. THANKYOU, Donna. (I'll have to go over to the animal-hoarder's site now, just to see what he has been moaning about.)

  8. Oh, I see, Donna. Yes, as I have already bitched about, he really does get an inexplicably large amount of inane comments from other lonely people - I wonder why?

    Never mind TV show, he ought to run a commune up there in Wales. I can just see it now - the two 'Beauty in the Ordinary' sisters ordering everyone around at 6 in the morning, whilst making grits for lunch; 'Missing Goat' making jam for the one he has just adopted (kidnapped); countless women of a certain age making obvious comments about the weather and the beauty of the scenery, until - he flips his lid and turns his attention away from the starlings to tell them all to "F*** OFF!!!"