Friday 20 May 2011

My name is Stephenson... Tom Stephenson...


Don't you miss the Soviet Union? I know I do, if only for the music from the spy films of the era.

I had a friend who made it quite big in the music world, and his overwhelming ambition was to do a James Bond film theme. He almost succeeded because (being gay) he opted for Shirley Bassey for the vocals (she had already done 'Goldfinger'), then proceeded to piss her off by getting her to repeat the same, boring little ditty over and over again, as he and his musical partner over-layed dramatic electronic keyboards on each one, until she stormed out of the video shoot, vowing never to come back.

Remember 'History Repeated'? That was theirs. I think he lives in New York now.

(Turns up coat collar and walks off into the dark, rain-soaked street...)

15 comments:

  1. "you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

    whoops wrong movie

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  2. ps I'm gay
    and I hate shirley bassey

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  3. What does being gay and Shirley Bassey have to do with each other? Are you stereotyping?

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  4. Yes Grouch. I am stereotyping, and the Welshman is not only going against his roots by hating the crooner from Tiger Bay, but also kicking against the whole gay icon thing by hating a black (ish) woman who would - these days - make a good substitute for Lily Savage singing 'On Mother Kelly's Doorstep' to the tune of 'Diamonds Are Forever' and get away with it.

    I hope that clears things up for you.

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  5. To continue.... What the hell ARE 'Gay icons'? I totally agree with both John and Grouch. Just because one happens to be gay shouldn't mean one is obliged to like Shirley Bassey or Judy Garland. Are there any 'Hetrosexual icons' (other than Maureen O'Hara or Grace Kelly)?

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  6. I reckon Sean Connery comes close!

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  7. now shelley winters....

    there's an icon

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  8. How I love these tangents... now, to continue:

    I am afraid you are utterly wrong, Cro, and I can only put this down to your years of cultural isolation spent amongst homophobic French farmers - or 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys', as Homer Simpson so aptly put it.

    Can you imagine an ordinary hetero-sexual man who is left cold by the iconic image of Marylyn Monroe getting a blast of steam up the jacksie whilst standing over a subway vent, even years after the staged event? Well then, try to put yourself in John's shoes and imagine staring at a picture of Bernie Winters without feeling the slightest flicker of emotion deep within your nether-regions. You would have to be emotionally dead. So it is with Shirley Bassey, but I think John spends too much time surrounded by slavering animals to remember that he is contractually obliged to worship her.

    Yes, I know what you mean about Sean Connery, lovelygrey, and - of course - it has to be an image from the time before he re-incarnated in the form of the father of whatshisname from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

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  9. Oh, and I'll tell you who I worship - in an iconic sort of way - Lauren Bacall ! I'd still give her one now, just on the strength of her whistling lesson, before I was born.

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  10. Bernie Winters!!!!! Ha-ha. But Sean Connery before the wig. Mmm-mm.

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  11. I was in a pizza restaurant, sitting at the next table as Mr Connery once, Sue - want my autograph?

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  12. If you want an icon - what's wrong with Michael Caine?

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  13. Ask John - he likes a bit of 'Ruff'.

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