Thursday, 31 March 2011

iCan

As I continue to upgrade all my high-technological gadgets, there is always a disturbing possibility haunting me that I have to try and shove to the back of my mind.

What with all the recent catastrophic events coinciding with seemingly world-wide disharmony and economic collapse, I wonder... it is almost too horrific to contemplate... I wonder what would happen if the power supply went down as it just has for poor Heather Cameron who had to stay up all night with half a dozen baby chicks stuffed up her jumper?

I am beginning to think that my latest obsession for antique candle-sticks is a form of sixth-sense, and I am sub-consciously making preparations for when the conventional lighting system packs up forever in our compact but adorable city apartment.

Just think - if you can bear to - you would not be able read all this guff from me every day, let alone send me emails or even telephone me! Like I say, it is almost too horrific to contemplate.

But fear not, I have the answer. It is the iCan, a prototype of which is illustrated in the header photo of this post. I can't remember if I ripped this idea off from someone else, but as far as I am concerned, it is now my intellectual property, so don't even think about it.

I am in the process of ordering a few hundred thousand of them from a nice little company in China, and by the time they arrive here for distribution, they will be sprayed a matt-black, with the word 'iCan' in a modernistic font, sprayed neatly on the sides of both cans.

Ah, I hear you say, but what is the range of this ingenious device? to which I reply, "How long is a piece of string?"

I am currently devising a marketing strategy which will be reliant on exploiting people's most basic fears, in much the same way as life insurance is sold. I have already come up with some natty catch-phrases such as - "iCan... and I WILL!", and "iCan - SO CAN YOU!". Before long, you will be wondering why nobody else has thought of this, but by that time, I will be retired and sitting on a beach in the Caribbean, sunning myself and sipping drinks from coconut shells, brought to me by a topless waitress in my permanent employ.

Bon Voyage, Suckers!

video

14 comments:

  1. ican.............NOT

    Seriously, what a horrific thought. World wide black out.

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  2. uCan...not be serious (the John McEnroe model)

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  3. Good thing that you bought that Panama hat! I fear that, with spring starting, you may show the first signs of a sun stroke!

    No, seriously, you are one witty guy! Obama's campaign slogan was "Yes, we CAN!" Make sure that you send him a complimentary model in the US colors when you go into production.

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  4. You have a way with words as the reference to the "compact but adorable city apartment" shows. How would you advertise for that coconut shell waitress?

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  6. If you intend to market this over The Pond, you could start with the Mex-iCan.

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  7. "uCan not handle the truth!"

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  8. 'uCan if you want to - the lady's NOT for canning' (Margaret Thatcher)

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  9. "Anything you can do, iCan do better,
    iCan do anything better than you!"

    "No you can't"

    "Yes iCan!" etc. etc.

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  10. Call us paranoid but we bought our yellow house partly because it has a wood stove, a place to garden, and a potential well. All great for when the entire grid SHUTS DOWN. We now have zero land phone lines.

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  11. You need an iCan too, Olive. See the prototype advert above....

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  12. If ican have a couple ican call em a 2can! sorry back to my Guiness.

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  13. Toucan play at that game, Groucho. (groan)

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  14. Nice blog! iCan relate to it...

    I also love the picture, do you happen to know where I can find the High Res version

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