Thursday, 31 March 2011


As I continue to upgrade all my high-technological gadgets, there is always a disturbing possibility haunting me that I have to try and shove to the back of my mind.

What with all the recent catastrophic events coinciding with seemingly world-wide disharmony and economic collapse, I wonder... it is almost too horrific to contemplate... I wonder what would happen if the power supply went down as it just has for poor Heather Cameron who had to stay up all night with half a dozen baby chicks stuffed up her jumper?

I am beginning to think that my latest obsession for antique candle-sticks is a form of sixth-sense, and I am sub-consciously making preparations for when the conventional lighting system packs up forever in our compact but adorable city apartment.

Just think - if you can bear to - you would not be able read all this guff from me every day, let alone send me emails or even telephone me! Like I say, it is almost too horrific to contemplate.

But fear not, I have the answer. It is the iCan, a prototype of which is illustrated in the header photo of this post. I can't remember if I ripped this idea off from someone else, but as far as I am concerned, it is now my intellectual property, so don't even think about it.

I am in the process of ordering a few hundred thousand of them from a nice little company in China, and by the time they arrive here for distribution, they will be sprayed a matt-black, with the word 'iCan' in a modernistic font, sprayed neatly on the sides of both cans.

Ah, I hear you say, but what is the range of this ingenious device? to which I reply, "How long is a piece of string?"

I am currently devising a marketing strategy which will be reliant on exploiting people's most basic fears, in much the same way as life insurance is sold. I have already come up with some natty catch-phrases such as - "iCan... and I WILL!", and "iCan - SO CAN YOU!". Before long, you will be wondering why nobody else has thought of this, but by that time, I will be retired and sitting on a beach in the Caribbean, sunning myself and sipping drinks from coconut shells, brought to me by a topless waitress in my permanent employ.

Bon Voyage, Suckers!



  1. ican.............NOT

    Seriously, what a horrific thought. World wide black out.

  2. uCan...not be serious (the John McEnroe model)

  3. Good thing that you bought that Panama hat! I fear that, with spring starting, you may show the first signs of a sun stroke!

    No, seriously, you are one witty guy! Obama's campaign slogan was "Yes, we CAN!" Make sure that you send him a complimentary model in the US colors when you go into production.

  4. You have a way with words as the reference to the "compact but adorable city apartment" shows. How would you advertise for that coconut shell waitress?

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  6. If you intend to market this over The Pond, you could start with the Mex-iCan.

  7. "uCan not handle the truth!"

  8. 'uCan if you want to - the lady's NOT for canning' (Margaret Thatcher)

  9. "Anything you can do, iCan do better,
    iCan do anything better than you!"

    "No you can't"

    "Yes iCan!" etc. etc.

  10. Call us paranoid but we bought our yellow house partly because it has a wood stove, a place to garden, and a potential well. All great for when the entire grid SHUTS DOWN. We now have zero land phone lines.

  11. You need an iCan too, Olive. See the prototype advert above....

  12. If ican have a couple ican call em a 2can! sorry back to my Guiness.

  13. Toucan play at that game, Groucho. (groan)

  14. Nice blog! iCan relate to it...

    I also love the picture, do you happen to know where I can find the High Res version