What with all the recent catastrophic events coinciding with seemingly world-wide disharmony and economic collapse, I wonder... it is almost too horrific to contemplate... I wonder what would happen if the power supply went down as it just has for poor Heather Cameron who had to stay up all night with half a dozen baby chicks stuffed up her jumper?
I am beginning to think that my latest obsession for antique candle-sticks is a form of sixth-sense, and I am sub-consciously making preparations for when the conventional lighting system packs up forever in our compact but adorable city apartment.
Just think - if you can bear to - you would not be able read all this guff from me every day, let alone send me emails or even telephone me! Like I say, it is almost too horrific to contemplate.
But fear not, I have the answer. It is the iCan, a prototype of which is illustrated in the header photo of this post. I can't remember if I ripped this idea off from someone else, but as far as I am concerned, it is now my intellectual property, so don't even think about it.
I am in the process of ordering a few hundred thousand of them from a nice little company in China, and by the time they arrive here for distribution, they will be sprayed a matt-black, with the word 'iCan' in a modernistic font, sprayed neatly on the sides of both cans.
Ah, I hear you say, but what is the range of this ingenious device? to which I reply, "How long is a piece of string?"
I am currently devising a marketing strategy which will be reliant on exploiting people's most basic fears, in much the same way as life insurance is sold. I have already come up with some natty catch-phrases such as - "iCan... and I WILL!", and "iCan - SO CAN YOU!". Before long, you will be wondering why nobody else has thought of this, but by that time, I will be retired and sitting on a beach in the Caribbean, sunning myself and sipping drinks from coconut shells, brought to me by a topless waitress in my permanent employ.
Bon Voyage, Suckers!