Saturday 19 February 2011

You know my name


After that little video clip of the babbling brook beside my workshop, somehow the conversation got onto dogs' names, and Weaver having to shout "Coco!" at her neighbors through the darkness, as she tries to entice her cat indoors so she can retire to bed.

I mentioned a Red-Setter I knew called 'Copper' that hated uniforms. One day, there was a ring on the doorbell, and a policeman was standing there. The setter started to attack, and the entire family seemed to encourage it by shouting, "COPPER! COPPER!"

I had another friend who had a labrador called 'Blackie'. One dark night, he lost it in London, and found himself wandering around Brixton at 2.00 in the morning, shouting "BLACKIE!" at the top of his voice.

My friend who is currently almost dead through alcohol abuse (mentioned in a previous post), had many fixed and rigid notions about right and wrong, and one of them was that you should never call an animal by an ordinary human name. Presumably this maxim works in reverse as well, which is probably why you don't often come across children called 'Towser' or 'Fido', unless, of course, they are the offspring of Bob Geldoff or Frank Zappa.

The Border Collie which features at the end of my video is called 'Dolores' (Dolly for short), which is about as far away from a sensible name for a working dog as you can get - unless, that is, the dog works on the stage. Julian Clarey's dog was called 'Fanny' (I once had the pleasure of meeting both of them), but actually did work on the stage as 'Fanny the Wonder Dog'. (J.C.'s autobiography is entitled, "A Young Man's Passage", btw, so it's hardly an odd choice of name).

Animals - like children - do not have a say in their choice of name, and most animals don't seem to care - unlike children - even though they show signs of disliking being laughed at in public. I called my cat 'Widdy', which carried well when being shouted in a high-pitched voice from a distance. I absent-mindedly started called him 'Tiddles' when he first turned up, then that became the less common 'Widdles', which eventually was shortened to Widdy. I later found out that my 68 year-old sister's pet name for her 70 year-old husband is 'Widdy', but she didn't tell me how he got it.

I had a friend who had a budgie called 'Bridgit' once, and I have another friend who has a parakeet called 'Beaky'. Somehow, it doesn't seem right to give ridiculous names to a creatures which are capable of pronouncing them, like parrots. I expect many parrots have been given dignified names like 'Horatio', but "Horatio wants a cracker" sounds like a request from a retired and bed-ridden Admiral who suffers from dementia, so any vestiges of dignity are immediately expunged. I expect there have been a few demented Admirals who have been dubbed 'Squawky' by the nurses of the homes that they have been dumped in by their relatives, though.

So here's a little competition: no prizes go to the person who can come up with the most inappropriate name for the animal in the photo above.




26 comments:

  1. ... and I don't want to hear the word 'Fluffy' - it's been done in Harry Potter.

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  2. Thanks goodness I don't know Julian Clary; I'd hate to ask if I could stroke his Fanny.

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  3. I can't even bear to look at the photo, but the best-named dog I ever knew was called TAXI.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. I changed my mind just in case I got hate mail.

    What about Coral?

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  6. I prefer ordinary names for dogs and cats...hence William, Meg, George, Constance and Albert for my brood....
    (or should that be hoard?)

    anyway on a similar vein to cro
    what about mrs slocombe's pussy?

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  7. So far, I love Pearl and Snowball the best, though the rest are top quality as well. It's a Tasmanian Devil in case you were wondering. You could have also asked, "Does your Fanny bite?" Cro.

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  8. I've just got the 'Taxi' joke, Mise. I immediately thought of Alexei Sayle impersonating the statues of Lenin striding forwards with one hand in the air.

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  9. We had a cat called Cuddles. I can still remember my stepfather, a gruff Yorkshireman, standing in the garden whistling her in like a dog at night. "Ah'm beggered if I'm goin' to stand int' garden shouting Coodles".

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  10. Precious. (reminded me of Gollum)

    I always loved the names given to two of Gerald Durrell's dogs when he was growing up in Corfu...Widdle and Puke.

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  11. jacquiline

    I loved his boat name

    bootlebumtrinket

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  12. It was common practice in the country to throw unwanted puppies out the car door windows while driving down country roads. Most were run over by other cars. I saved one. He was the homeliest dog I'd ever seen. I named him Ugly. All the neighbors knew Ugly as he would collect newspapers from their yards and lie down (having a marvelous time) and shred them. But, Ugly was good at chasing the occasional bear from the yard.

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  13. John!! I'd forgotten about the boat....hahahaha!

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  14. 'Did you mean'... 'JacquEline?' If so, then that's not a bad name, John. I'm warming to it. Hmm... 'Jacqueline' - it has a certain ring to it...

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  15. 'Fangs' as in 'Fangs for your tea and sympathy.' That was nice!

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  16. Now remember, I am in the Heart of Dixie, so there is only one name for this pup: Sugar. Pronounced: Shuuugaah.
    My first impulse was Cuddles....(Must be CroMagnon instincts or English heritage shining through!)

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  17. Thanks for the mammaries? He looks hungry enough.

    "The moon shines bright...." FireLight.

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  18. I think that Grouch's 'Snowball' has to win it, with Raz's 'Pearl' coming a very close second.

    So, Grouch - a largish crate with holes drilled in the side will be arriving at your door very soon. Put your gloves on when you open it.

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  19. Ohhh too late. I rather liked 'Trevor'.

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  20. Trevor was good, Sarah - but not quite good enough to beat Snowball and Pearl. Better luck next time when the annual 'Name the Tasmanian Devil' contest comes around.

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