John mentioned recently about making a list of hated things, and I tried to discourage him. I once took part in compiling an on-line forum list of things that people hated. All the usual suspects came up, and a surprisingly large amount of them involved automobiles rather than computors (and 'Windows' in particular). It seems that the old technology has not lost the power to drive us mad. Things like toilet paper which does not tear along the perforation, for instance. It is the simple things which do not behave as they ought to which really rile us.
Last year, my step-daughter spent quite a lot of money buying me a French pepper-grinder (I think I've already mentioned it). It is the most expensive pepper grinder on the market, and - guess what? It does not grind pepper. It has but one function to fulfill in it's miserable existence - to grind pepper - and it cannot even do that. It's too light to be used as a hammer (I've tried) otherwise I would use it to knock in nails.
Sir James Dyson has built up a massive and successful business, simply as a result of the maddening experience of using a household appliance which failed to perform the function for which it was solely designed. He was doing some housework and noticed that the vacuum-cleaner was not picking up the dirt. So he went off and designed/manufactured 500 prototypes (!) of vacuum cleaner before putting into production the one he is famous for now. A few years ago, he vented his frustration with public hand-dryers, by designing one which actually dries your hands. Have you used one? Do, if you get the opportunity - it is quite an experience. It's called the 'Air Blade', and you would think it would blast the diamonds from the mounts of your rings, but - as he says - it cleans the rings at the same time, and that time is about 4 seconds, unlike the old style hand-dryers which leave your hands wet and dripping after 2 minutes.
The list of items which do not perform simple functions properly is - of course - endless, and I often think it is a shame that the Dyson team simply has not got the time to plough their way through all of them, but sometimes cranky old machines that do not work properly inspire deep affection. We're back to motor cars again.
My contribution - on the forum - to things which irritate the shit out of me, involved both cars and humans.
I HATE it when people unlock their motor cars using a remote button from as far away as possible, simply because they CAN.
I have used that Dyson Air Blade. It does work but I am always distracted by the sound of my children screaming in fear at the noise it makes.
ReplyDeleteI think lists of hated things just perpetuates an endless circle of negativity. And seeing as I am all for circles I will add my 10 cents. I hate it when people stand really close behind you at the ATM.
And why do ironing boards make that horrendous noise when you set them up. It sounds like the Gates of Hell opening up.
When leaving the shop, I always open my car boot remotely from as far away across the car park as I can. It makes me feel as though I have a friend.
ReplyDeleteTeeth!! Has this God thingy not heard of Tungsten?
ReplyDeleteA friend used to have a small Peugeot pepper mill, with a metal arm on the top that you turned in a circular motion in order to grind (is that clear?). He took it everywhere with him because he suffered the same phobia as thou. Eventually he left it in some restaurant and that was that! However, it was a superb little machine, and if you ever see something similar BUY IT. I think it's the mills where one turns the whole wooden caboodle that are the culprits. I also am a sufferer.
ReplyDeleteI had a coffeepot that would, without warning, spew hot coffee and grounds everywhere. Oh how I hated that thing!!!
ReplyDeleteThomas!
ReplyDeleteI use my remote to open our trusty berlingo from a distance......mind you.....it looks like a skip!, all the windows are covered in dog snot and doesnt have a seat that isnt covered in dog hair and dog piss!!!!!1
I remember being both terrified and fascinated by the Hoover with the light at the front, when I was a kid, Jane. It was a bit like 'monster out to get you', and I hid behind the sofa. This is the first time I have thought about it for around 56 years, so thank you.
ReplyDeleteHow sad, Mise, for 2 reasons. 1: that you need to have a friend in the car park, and 2: that you cannot recognise your own car without pressing the button and waiting for the lights to flash. It cannot be a super-car.
Ok, Cro, I'll keep a look out. I had one of those too, Amy. Good, aren't they?
Berlingo, eh John? What's worse than a Berlingo? A Berlingo covered in piss. (actually, I'm not sure that's true).
Dear Jane, ironing is the Gates of Hell opening up.
ReplyDeleteNo no, Tom, you misread. The other button.
ReplyDeleteRight. I'll start thinking now.
ReplyDeleteIroning is wretched but vacuuming with a Dyson is wonderful. Great post Tom.
ReplyDeleteI never iron, Olive, H.I. is the expert on that front. I do vacuum with a Dyson though, and I don't mind that too much, though it is a bit on the noisy side. Maybe the newer ones are quieter. I actually picked mine up direct from the British office (about 15 miles from Bath), but that's another story - a funny one though.
ReplyDeleteNuclear-powered gardening! When did that quiet pastoral pastime have to be accompanied by industrial-sized ear muffs? Why can't leaves be raked instead of being blown into the next century! Can't stand power-driven-anything in the garden...
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with you, Jacqueline. Raking leaves used to be a meditative pastime, now everyone makes it hell for themselves and their neighbors.
ReplyDelete