Monday 25 September 2017

Season of Mists, Mellow fruitfulness, and Clothes Moths


Not everyone is as experienced as I am in identifying clothes moths, but not everyone lives with a woman whose replacement wardrobe would not be covered by our contents insurance in the event of fire, let alone a flood which would put the fire out.

There are Armani Moths, Bruno Cuccinelli Moths, Hugo Boss Moths, Paul McQueen Moths, Stella McCartney Moths - more than I can just sum up at a keyboard without consulting an inventory.

They all have one thing in common - they are evolutionarily designed to hit a maximum population peak and sexual frenzy right now at Autumn, because they have been living in vacated bird's nests for thousands if not millions of years every late Summer.

They like dirt, which means they love my laundry pile. They particularly like old, rancid piss-stains, which means they particularly like the fronts of all my unwashed, tweed trousers.

There is a generic name for all these different species of clothes moth, and it begins with a 'C' in my dictionary.

25 comments:

  1. If the average moth can cope with your rancid piss stained old pants they deserve their own documentary narrated by David Attenborough

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I usually drop a few drips of piss after I have used an ordinary urinal. I seldom actually shit myself in public as you seem to make a habit of doing. What astounds me is how much applause you get from falling over in either your dog's shit, or your own. Hey Ho.

      Delete
    2. It's a gift! You should try it instead of making grumpiness an art form

      Delete
    3. As a matter of info have never pooed myself ....I have been caught short in a field of sheep once though as well as being pelted with shit by a psychiatric patient/ various dogs/ and as I recall one goose

      Delete
    4. Who told them that they had psychiatric problems?

      Delete
  2. The moths get pissed on your piss stains

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is never a dull moment reading your posts Tom and if you mention that bit of Keats again I may be forced to use a swear word.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I feel a bit sick ..... it's a little close to home after my food poisoning episode !!! XXXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One man's poisoning is another moth's meat. Having said that. I have disgusted myself.

      Delete
  5. I had a full on great laugh reading this and the comments. Hey Ho!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Except for your last comment Tom.

      Delete
    2. Ok, I have deleted it. I sometimes get a bit over excited, especially after dark.

      Delete