Monday 25 September 2017
Season of Mists, Mellow fruitfulness, and Clothes Moths
Not everyone is as experienced as I am in identifying clothes moths, but not everyone lives with a woman whose replacement wardrobe would not be covered by our contents insurance in the event of fire, let alone a flood which would put the fire out.
There are Armani Moths, Bruno Cuccinelli Moths, Hugo Boss Moths, Paul McQueen Moths, Stella McCartney Moths - more than I can just sum up at a keyboard without consulting an inventory.
They all have one thing in common - they are evolutionarily designed to hit a maximum population peak and sexual frenzy right now at Autumn, because they have been living in vacated bird's nests for thousands if not millions of years every late Summer.
They like dirt, which means they love my laundry pile. They particularly like old, rancid piss-stains, which means they particularly like the fronts of all my unwashed, tweed trousers.
There is a generic name for all these different species of clothes moth, and it begins with a 'C' in my dictionary.
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If the average moth can cope with your rancid piss stained old pants they deserve their own documentary narrated by David Attenborough
ReplyDeleteI usually drop a few drips of piss after I have used an ordinary urinal. I seldom actually shit myself in public as you seem to make a habit of doing. What astounds me is how much applause you get from falling over in either your dog's shit, or your own. Hey Ho.
DeleteIt's a gift! You should try it instead of making grumpiness an art form
DeleteAs a matter of info have never pooed myself ....I have been caught short in a field of sheep once though as well as being pelted with shit by a psychiatric patient/ various dogs/ and as I recall one goose
DeleteWho told them that they had psychiatric problems?
DeleteThey were sectioned
DeleteThe geese?
DeleteThe moths get pissed on your piss stains
ReplyDeleteThey would much prefer your knickers in that case.
DeleteTouché xx
DeleteThey could add some salt and vinegar and make the most of them
DeleteNot crisp enough.
DeleteThere is never a dull moment reading your posts Tom and if you mention that bit of Keats again I may be forced to use a swear word.
ReplyDeleteWhich one?
DeleteTime to buy new pants!
ReplyDeleteTell that to Rachel.
DeleteI feel a bit sick ..... it's a little close to home after my food poisoning episode !!! XXXX
ReplyDeleteYou were " tired and emotional"
DeleteOne man's poisoning is another moth's meat. Having said that. I have disgusted myself.
DeleteShame
ReplyDeleteShame I can't or shame I said it?
DeleteShame you said it
DeleteI had a full on great laugh reading this and the comments. Hey Ho!
ReplyDeleteExcept for your last comment Tom.
DeleteOk, I have deleted it. I sometimes get a bit over excited, especially after dark.
Delete