Friday, 16 December 2016

Are you looking at my pint?


This is the rather charming chair which has caused so much bad feeling amongst so many different people recently. It looks so innocent, doesn't it?

The fact that I pulled it out of a skip should mean - if I ever said so - that its monetary value was of no particular concern to me. Anything over the two pints of beer that I paid to have it straightened out would be more than enough compensation, so that bloody antique-dealer (and a few others) might have believed me when I explained why I withdrew it from the sale. I have withdrawn it from Gumtree now as well.

Why? Because the daughter of an old friend told me a couple of nights ago that she has opened up an antique shop here in Bath - which specialises in garden furniture. I really like her, so I am delivering it to her shop today, and I don't care what money she gives me if and when she sells it. I pulled it out of the skip because I thought it would be a tragedy to scrap it, and  - as with the snowflakes - I don't care if I am not believed. One way or another, it will go to a good home where it is appreciated.

That Lad got beaten-up in a takeaway in Bristol last night - by the owner of the takeaway. This seems to happen to him more than anyone else I know, and I think it has something to do with the way he handles being somewhat drunk. In short, I have come to believe he must somehow attract it, otherwise it would have been another customer, and not the owner who hit him.

Years ago, he was thrown from a balcony of a nightclub in a different town. He said he did nothing to provoke the attacker, and he survived with bruising and grazing, having broken his fall on the balcony below before reaching the ground.

Because he was a minor at the time (he shouldn't have been allowed in the nighclub) I insisted that it was a matter for the police, and booked an appointment at the station for the next day. This could have been attempted murder as far as I was concerned.

The next day arrived, and I had to drag him out of bed. We arrived at the police station, and the inspector came out to talk to us. She was in the uniform of of a policewoman, but we were both somewhat distracted by a five o'clock shadow on her face that denoted a thick growth of beard which looked as though she needed to shave twice a day. I became obsessed with speculation as she asked some simple questions, but she was as intuitive and observant as a good police oficer should be.

"I think there is something you are not telling me," she said, "I think that there is more to this than meets the eye."

The Lad did not contradict her, charges were not pressed, and she vowed to have a word with the nightclub about their admission policy.

Now when I hear what happened in Bristol, I remember her beard.

33 comments:

  1. I "embiggened" the picture, it is a beautiful chair.
    Greetings Maria x

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  2. Very pretty, indeed. Is it comfortable, as well? And you really are the loveliest most thoughtful of men to give it to her for her shop. If it were me, I don't think I would ever be able to sell it...

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    1. No, it's not comfortable - if you are an adult you are waiting for it to collapse so cannot relax. It is more of a decorative item.

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  3. Very nice garden chair. As for the bearded female policeman; there a good limerick in there somewhere.

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    1. There was a young copper called Jock...

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    2. who went to lunch dressed in a frock.
      It wasn't a truncheon she had for his luncheon,
      but a sausage as big as his...

      No, never mind.

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    3. A female policeman named Hunt.... no no, I can't think of anything.

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    4. Was raiding the National Front,
      she thought it was wise to go in disguise,
      but was given away by her...

      No never mind.

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  4. Beauyiful chair,not for old people.

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  6. I like the blend of topics in this post.

    The chair has such graceful lines. I could imagine a cat sleeping on it, unafraid of any danger of collapse.
    I'm sure the chair will be finding a good home, perhaps as someone's favorite Christmas gift.

    I hope that the recent altercation involving the Lad will be the last one...of this year, at least.

    Best wishes.

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    1. Taking any stimulants at all does not suit him. I saw him last night and it isn't as bad as expected.

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  7. Now that my mind is free from fear about my poetry blog - thanks for your help, Tom! - I read your blog. And love that chair - beautiful (and light) for a garden!
    As to the Lad getting into fights: I have an acquaintance who often lands in a row - though he is a quite peaceful guy (luckily he knows how to defend himself). We all believe that there is something in his stare that provokes such reactions - he often hadn't uttered a word!

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    1. The pub bully was staring at me last night. Now he really has an intimidating stare.

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  8. I LOVE that chair , it's very me .... I would have bought it if I had seen it on eBay and I wouldn't have given you negative feedback either !!!
    Hope that ' the lad ' get's into fewer altercations as the years go by !!! XXXX

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  9. I love the chair and for some reason I still love you but I am having difficulty in working out why. The chair reminds me of the 1950s when we had not much money and we would eat outside using random tables and chairs and it didn't matter that nothing matched and we were all happy.

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  10. I love that chair too Tom - and also agree with the expression of love and working out why!!

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  11. I feel as though I am Alice in Wonderland right now. I want to see you as more than a pack of cards.

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  12. If you pulled the chair out of a skip, I would like to go 'skip-hunting' with you.

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  13. It's such an elegant chair, and such a pleasing design, that it would look good anywhere.

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    1. Anywhere outside. We don't have an outside which isn't a street.

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