Friday, 30 September 2016

I beg your forbearance


After last night's lack of nceticing, I compared the way my writing experience (to use the current survey-speak) has been improved/impoverished by removing any form of spell-check from this computer. I am undecided, but at least I read through this shite at least once before I hit the publish button.

The pros include not having to correct the 'correct' American spellings, even though I had set the machine to U.K. English years ago, and that I do not have to put up with the internal dictionary having the vocabulary of an eight year-old and suggesting words which I would have rejected myself at that age, when I am half-way through typing them.

The cons include adding an extra 'a' to 'that' as I did just now above, because accumulated work-injuries have produced a spur of bone-growth on the left knuckle of my little finger which keeps hitting the 'a' key without me noticing (or nceticing). This problems is worse at night, which is one of the reasons I usually only post in the daytime.

The other reason is that my sense of balance and reason is usually thrown out of kilter by the evening drinks quota, and I end up either swearing at people or expressing a life-long ambition to have a sexual relationship with them. Neither of these is a very good idea when viewed in the cold light of day.

I do, however,  leave and respond to comments in the evening.

You will be familiar with the way in which I block people who look at me the wrong way at night, or how I become inappropriately suggestive with some of the female bloggers. What you don't know is the background to this behaviour.

When I leave the pub at around 6.30pm, I walk the quarter mile or so home, and my progress is either hindered by idiots getting in my way, or diverted by having to follow a particularly shapely arse in tight trousers. By the time I get home, the tone has been set by whatever mental state either of these situations has produced.

More often than not, both of these things happen simultaneously. I cannot count the amount of times that an idiot has got in the way of my view of a particularly shapely arse.

Now that you know this, I hope you can be a bit more understanding the next time I swear at you, or make a lewd comment about your underwear.

19 comments:

  1. You covered a lot of ground here.

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  2. Does your last paragraph indicate that you do have, potentially, the insight to make a distinction between an "explanation" and an "excuse"? Or would being given Carte Blance suit your needs better?

    Hope this will find you in fine fettle, and not at your irate blocking time,

    U

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    1. I am staying silent about all this tonight.

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  3. I have the same problem with an unrepentant finger tossing in stray "o's".
    Which of the six backsides illustrated would you most likely follow?

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    1. No contest, Joanne, the third from the left, possibly the second from the right considering that I guess Tom's wife to be pretty tall with long legs. I bet HI has never asked him "Does my bum look big in this?"

      U

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    2. I guess third from left or the one on the right. I suppose we'll never know.
      Once a friend and I were sitting behind the stage with a quartet performing. Strings, a bass and whatever else goes with it. The bass was swaying with the music, and I said to my friend, "Nice ass, there." It fell into once of those dead silences. He didn't even have the grace to turn around and say "Thanks."

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  4. Following a shapely bum around town is a whole new way to get people to exercise and do some healthy walking.

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  5. Men have been like this through the ages Tom and they are not about to change -

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    1. Tell me about it Weave - no, don't. I already know.

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  6. Imagine, Tom, with having one beer too many you might see the lovely row of bottoms double! (How come that I think of the song "Double trouble is my name"?)

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    1. I don't have so many beers that I see double.

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  7. Any good bottoms on your way back home from the pub tonight ? XXXX

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  8. I imagine it is easier to deal with the idiots when you are as tall as you are and also have a quick wit and the gumption to tell them to fuck off....and I have to be honest I did wonder which of those is the closest to what I look like from the back....

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    1. The thing about those backsides is that they all look very similar. Maybe that is just what jeans do - squash everything in. The best way of enhancing a backside is to drape it in silk crepe...

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