Purveyor of Bollocks to the Crowned Heads of Europe
Saturday, 4 February 2017
Yes, we have no bananas
The worst thing about troublesome people (aside from the trouble they cause) is that they are continuously talked about. They are discussed ad nauseum. If someone in the community fits in nicely, is kind, helpful and considerate, they are hardly mentioned - "That Ben, he is a good person." "Yes, he is." End of discussion.
Of course, the troublesome people actually want to be talked about. There is a defect in their personalities which makes them needy. It is a form of inadequacy. What do you give the man who has everything? More attention.
There is something surreal about the way people get up in the morning, go shopping, go to work, go home, cook and eat - whilst a war is being savagely fought one mile away from their homes. What else can they do? Just stop everything before it is stopped for them? That is called suicide.
We - from a 'safe' distance - begin to feel threatened, so retreat to our gated communities. Friends become potential enemies.
Vincent Price in 'The Masque of the Red Death' unwittingly invited Death to shelter in his castle, because he did not know who his real friends were. Building walls and pulling up drawbridges means that you will never really broker proper trade deals with the outside world. Any deal based on mutual mistrust and paranoia is not going to be a good one.
I awoke yesterday to the shocking news that there is a shortage of green-leaf salad in the U.K. and most supermarkets here are actually rationing lettices to two per person to prevent panic-buying by restaurants.
The cause of this dirth of salad is due to the weather conditions in Spain, apparently - and I thought that the rain in Spain was mainly from the hydroponic systems of the square miles of glass houses on the plain. So - in a tiny way - the spirit of the Blitz has permeated Waitrose.
I try not to buy food which could be grown - seasonally - in this country, but occasionally I will give in because a recipe really needs green beans (from Kenya) and H.I. would not really put up with turnip stew every night for three months. Right now, Cavelo Nero (from Lincolnshire) is everywhere and it is very good, but cannot be added into other mixes due to the bitter flavour it imparts to a stew or stock.
In a shameful display of the 'I'm all right, Jack' mentality of a WW2 spiv, I have to admit that I didn't notice the salad famine until it was pointed out to me by the BBC. I hardly ever eat raw salad, even in the Summer. I am not one of those blokes who consider it 'rabbit food' because I do like a really crispy Iceberg lettice leaf every now and then, but hardly ever in the Winter. I do like pickled vegetables like coleslaw, and I have no compuction in buying frozen soft fruits, so long as they were grown in the U.K.
In the days to come, cues will form down the street outside any shop which is rumoured to have any bananas. Mark my words...