Monday, 8 February 2016

Pants on fire



Due to an adverse combination of weather and working conditions (and possibly planetary alignments), I have decided that today will be devoted to blog and laundry duties. Lucky you for the post, and lucky me for the laundry - my washing machine is in the pub.

In a pathetic attempt to get attention, today I will talk about a variety of things, all of them in bite-sized chunks so as not to lose it as soon as I have gained it. Here goes:

I am bitterly disappointed that my jury service has been cancelled, and I hope that I am randomly selected to sit in on a case in the very near future. (Lie).

I greatly appreciate being reminded of the function of a jury in a courtroom by a trained barrister. (Or should that be, 'barista'?)

My job is of huge value to the community, so it may be for the best that I am not taken out of it to sit on a jury anyway. (Lie).

My job takes up so much of my life, that I do not spend as much time with my grand children as I would like. (2 Lies.)

My weekends are usually taken up with tending my kitchen garden and compiling recipes which I think you may enjoy trying on your families. (What do you think?)

I much prefer reading your posts than writing my own. (Yeah, right.)

The posts that I most enjoy reading are the ones which manage to combine virtual tours of recently re-decorated houses and apartments with the adorable antics of the owner's pets. (Hmm.)

I miss Groucho's contributions. (This was almost true up until yesterday).

I never tire of hearing about goings-on in remote Welsh villages. (This is true so far, but I don't know why.)

I never tire of viewing about 50 telephoto shots of blue-tits feeding on fat balls on a bird table. (True until the 30th shot, when it becomes a LIE.)

I sometimes wish that John's posts contained more fat balls. (Definitely true.)

I sometimes wish that Maryanne's Burlesque posts contained more blue-tits. (What do you think?)

I always read other's posts from beginning to end, no matter how long they are. (Sometimes true).

I never tire of being reminded that Google uses cookies at the top of each post. (FALSE!)

Ok, that's enough for now. I've got laundry to do.

57 comments:

  1. Blue tits and fat balls... so you're into chubby Esquimaux are you.

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    Replies
    1. I go for anything that has a thick coating of blubber smeared on it.

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  2. Item #10 has left me completely mystified.

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    Replies
    1. Grouchy went from being a vociferous commenter to a lurker, sparking rumours of his death. He resurfaced yesterday, as you will see if you look at the comments. He and a certain Welshman do not get on very well.

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    2. Thats not true he just irritates me

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    3. I'm sorry to see you are still fighting mental health. I, on the other hand, have been busy buying stock in Febreze, Air Wick and Poo Pourri. All big sellers in Northern Wales.

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    4. Ah, you are way ahead of those Taffies. Let's hope the bottom doesn't drop out of the market.

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    5. Have another scotch grouch

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  3. My replacement OS has just arrived from the States, so I am putting off the laundry while I instal it, then try to upgrade the existing OS. This may be the last you ever hear from me...

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    1. You are going to like my account of the above - 2 days, and it still isn't running quite right.

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  4. Every Monday morning we pass a house where there are 4 pairs of EXTREMELY large ladies 'pants' hanging on a washing line. Today there was none. We were wondering in the Compact Royce what on earth could have happened to the owner of said 'pants'. We presume she has either died, or been called to do Jury Service in Bordeaux.

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    Replies
    1. Now what worries me is that a whole week had passed, yet there were only 4 underpants.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. I think that you would be brilliant on a jury { ? }

    What on earth could you have said to piss off an antipodean ' reader ' ? That's not like you at all { X }

    I have a feeling that the photograph of the big pants doing a front wedgie does it for you { √ }

    Also, why do you have to send off to the States for your OS ? .... and can't you just update it when you are reminded of updates ? Obviously you can't but why ?
    Not one exclamation mark was used in the making of this comment { ..... Ooo, nearly } XXXX

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    1. I have spent 6 hours today on this upgrade, and it's still upgrading. I will tell you the whole, boring saga later.

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  7. I enjoy your some times 'quirky' blog posts. Just one question, if the barrister makes and serves coffee then he/she is also a barista - No ?

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  8. Typical man and jobs to do - you could have got that laundry done in the time it took you to think of all those things. Although maybe not if you do it in the pub.

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  9. Hi Tom. I dreamed about you, Cro, and John Gray last night. Check out my latest blog post!

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  10. Replies
    1. You need to see the full-frontal before making that sort of pronouncement.

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    2. You can't see the flaps though.

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  11. Fat balls would fit into those underpants, for sure.

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  12. Brilliant audience participation. Reminds me of following the bouncing yellow ball on the sing alongs between movie reels back in the fifties.

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    Replies
    1. Except our balls are just going downward.

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  13. Replies
    1. I have spent 3 solid days in trying to get this fucking machine to work, now that I have been forced to 'improve' it. I am so wretchedly fed-up with it that I cannot bring myself to tell anyone about it until I have calmed down. I still cannot get emails directly, and the machine cuts itself off continuously for no obvious reason. These are what you might call 'teething problems', I hope, but I am waiting for my Mac man to come round and HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

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    2. You should have got a Samsung, easy peasey.x

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