Saturday 7 November 2015

The importance of gravy


Well if you thought November the 5th was bad weather for fireworks, you should look out of the window today, Saturday the 7th - the day we are due to have the big charity display on Bath Recreation Ground. More water, pushed along by gale-force winds.

The kids are due to come round and watch it from said window tonight, and I am due to cook them sausage and mash as I have been for 23 years, before the youngest was born. Each year for the past few, I think they will not be turning up, but so far they have not missed a single one.

When the youngest was 15 or so, they all sat down as I dished out the sausages and mash. When I sat down, she said, "Where's the gravy?"

"Sorry, I forgot the gravy," I answered.

"You ARE kidding, aren't you?" She began to look very worried. It took about five responses from me before she finally understood that I really had forgotten the gravy, and this ruined the entire evening for her. Between each mouthful, she dryly mumbled, "I cannot believe you forgot the gravy."

So every subsequent year I have pretended to forget the gravy, and this has turned into something of a family joke/ritual. 'The Year He Forgot The Gravy'.

There was a terrifying radio documentary on the elite gentlemen's clubs attached to old German universities recently - the ones which carry out duels for no reason, using razor-sharp sabres which inflict face-changing scars on the young men who take part in the horrifyingly clinical rituals held in well-lit little arenas in purpose-built basements and stadia.

The whack and ring of swords cutting into thick leather is suddenly punctuated by a softer sound of steel cutting deep into the face of the loser of the bout, followed swiftly by the involuntary intake of breath through the gritted teeth of the onlookers.

Just before these bouts, they all get together and eat a traditional meal of raw mincemeat and onion, as they have done for about 250 years.

Woe betide anyone who forgets to bring the onions, I bet.

13 comments:

  1. Our great family joke was about picking Mint. My mother would ask for some Mint and we'd return with Nettles, or Dandelions, or some other weeds. Then just as she pretended to chastise us, we'd bring out the proper Mint from behind our backs. What larks.

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    1. There was a trick I used to play on my mother, and she fell for it every time.

      If ever there was a fresh cream cake given to us, or a scone with cream on, I would pick it up, sniff it, then say, "Do you think this cream has gone off?", then hold it to her nose.

      When she leaned forward to sniff it, I would ram it into her her face, nose first, leaving her covered in cream.

      What a horrible little bastard I was, but I couldn't resist it.

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    2. Tom, just when I think it couldn't get any worse... bet she still adored you.

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  2. Hope that raw mincemeat and onions has gravy with it too.

    Typical bonfire night weather here too - poured until about two this afternoon so any bonfired will be soaked through.

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    1. They have plenty of blood to pour over it after the mensur.

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  3. It will take a drum or two of waste oil to get the bonfires going tonight. Blue sky here now but wind and rain in the east all morning. If I had done that with my mum and the cream I would have got a clout.

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    1. My mom would have slapped the sh*t out of me if I had ever done such a thing! I would never have had the nerve.

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    2. Mine wouldn't - also, I was about 14, so those days had probably gone - if they were ever there.

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  4. The cream on the nose bit has reminded me of when my son was that age. He could be delightfully playful with me and I loved it .Even when he went too far (cream on the nose, say, for the third time) it was the engaging with me that mattered. He loved me and was happy to be at home. Not so the grumpy teenage daughters who were constantly flinging themselves around in tears because they hated their hair or had nothing to wear. My son was devoted to me, my daughters were devoted to their friends. Now my son dotes on his fiancée and my daughters are my closest friends.

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