Thursday 2 July 2015

Jane Austen sex in the back of a Hansome


One foot either side of the line. Walcot Parish - St.Michael's Parish. I am a bit mystified as to why they should put an apostrophe in place of the 't'. S' Michael's Parish is hardly conversational, and it is not as if the letter-cutter had an arduous task.

These were cut into the wall of an early Victorian chapel for reformed prostitutes. Bath had plenty to choose from in those days, but now there are hardly enough to go around and the ones that you can find also have a little side-line as crack-dealers.

In the mid 18th century, Bath was teeming with prostitutes and gambling-houses. Yes, genteel Bath was built on vice. Most permanent residents - of which there were comparatively few - made their money from sugar, spice and all things nice - including slaves - but the social architect made all his money from card games.

It is very difficult to open licensed gambling houses in Bath now, let alone brothels. People have tried and failed.

I have a brilliant idea - open a a Jane Austen themed brothel. All the girls could dress up in bonnets and prim dresses, and giggle behind fans.

I have a woman friend who is a taxi driver here, and recently we used her services to go to a concert out of town, taking my German mate as a treat.

My taxi driver mate is always suntanned, and has a raucous laugh which is almost out of control and very infectious. She uses it a lot.

When she took us back to Bath around midnight after a long and mirth-filled drive from Frome, we all got out and waved goodbye. Thomas the German gave her a massive tip because he enjoyed himself so much.

A little later when talking about our driver, Thomas said, "I think she has the sort of voice that when she is a bit older, she will piss herself a little when she laughs."

I saw her the other day and told her what Thomas had said, through the open window while she was stationary at some traffic lights. She almost wet herself laughing before the lights went green.

14 comments:

  1. I would go and dig out my bonnet and prim dress, but I fear that there wouldn't be many takers !!!!!! …… I might just about make half a crown from the entire membership of the Bath Brass Band !!!! XXXX

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    1. Don't do yourself down, Jack@. I would stump up half a crown just for a knee-trembler with you in the Dog and Duck car park.

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    2. Make it 3 shillings and sixpence and a gin and tonic and I'll see you in the Dog and Duck !!!! XXXX

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    3. I'll give you the full Guinea if you meet me in the Cock and Bottle, Dorset. (Shut up, John. This is the first serious offer I have had/made in about 20 years).

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    4. The Cock and Bottle it is, kind Sir ……. prithee tary behind the handsome stop yonder at 9 of the hour. Fare thee well. XXXX

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  2. The Vicar of Bath's wife decided to become a prostitute, to help ends meet. After her first night on the streets she returned to the vicarage, and excitedly placed £100 and 50p on the kitchen table. "What cheap bastard paid you the 50p" asked the vicar. "They all did" replied his wife proudly.

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  3. Just imagine a whole room of Mr. Darcys competing for the 'affection' of the present 'ladies'. I wonder how they would approach the women. As I said on John's blog the other day, I was once mistaken for a prostitute. I was so surprised at how polite business was being conducted. The fella said: "Excuse me, are you working?" (He even used the German formal address of "Sie" and not the informal "Du".)

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    1. I was driving through the Red Light district of Hamburg once, passing many such ladies, and I could not believe how eager they were to attract my attention.

      They ended up hammering on my windows and screaming at me to stop, until I did.

      When I wound-down the window, one said, "You cannot go up here, this is a one-way street!"

      True civic duty.

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  4. Good one. Sometimes I laugh like you taxi driver friend and am doing so now. Excuse me a minute....

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    1. Just sit where you are and relax, Joanne, unless you are using an electric blanket.

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  5. What about a few Mollys to add abbit more colour?

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    1. I took that for granted. Bath was famous for Molly Houses as well. When I reopen, I'm going to get you to cut the ribbon.

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