Saturday, 25 October 2014

Guest post, guess who two


I am knackered. A long and difficult night shift followed by three hours on the end of the phone talking to practical jokers, and I get home to discover that all the chicken sheds have been blown over in the wind, and the badger has eaten all the chickens which have escaped into the churchyard, with a little help from the fox.

Oh well, I think, I might as well collect the last of the eggs to deliver to the old ladies of the village, but - bugger me - one of the dogs has got to them before I did.

Just as in The Archers, all of the flowers have been flattened in the hurricane as well, so this year's show is going to be very sparse indeed.

I thought there would be just enough time to squeeze Millicent's anal glands before Chris gets back from his very important meeting at work, but what do I find when I go up to change the duvet? One of the dogs has had an extremely loose bowel-movement all over it, and the cat has settled down in the middle of the stinking mess, purring away as if nothing has happened.

Hey Ho.

40 comments:

  1. Ha -ha. That's funny. Who's next I wonder!

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    1. We just realised - we left out the speeling mistkes!

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    2. Paragraphs and everything, John. A self checking I-pad, eh?

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    3. I am finding it hard to get into character at the moment, so normal service will be resumed when the Hattatts have gone back to bed.

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    4. Sarcasm joanne
      I would have thought better of you

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    5. Darling Tom,
      Let us help you get back into character immediately without hesitation for you know how divine we find you and you never disappoint us and we cannot wait to discuss the floppy boys with you again soon. Lance and Jane xxx

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    6. We are positively dizzy with all this role-changing, but - if you insist!

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    7. I apologize to John, I should have stayed out of this.

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  2. Replies
    1. We are constantly amazed at how some people's lives are so eventful and interesting - ours seems so mundane by comparison, with a never-ending merry-go-round of exhibitions, opera and dinner-parties with semi-naked boys painted gold acting as waiters!

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  3. Dear Jane and Lance
    You have just made me laugh so much without even mentioning shared underwear or the Walking Dead. I really must pull myself together and get off the hairdressers, but I will be chuckling all the way.
    Another super and delightful post.

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    1. We completely forgot the zombies! Silly us!

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  4. Thank you Jane; I've always thought what an exciting life X leads. Dog shit, chicken shit, his own shit; one never-ending cycle of faecal cleansing.

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    1. Dear Cro,

      No thanks to us needed......

      We are over the tiff xxxx

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    2. Well I wasn't going to mention it...

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  5. Darling Tom,

    We have risen momentarily from our sick beds, yes, we are even ill simultaneously, to say that charmed as we are that we may be thought capable of such characterisation ( if, indeed, that is what it is) it is not we who are the guests.

    So ill are we that not a single exhibition has been visited by us, not a glass of champagne sipped, not a single dinner party with or without semi-naked gold painted writers has been hosted and not one blog post written either here or elsewhere. Indeed, not even the thought of Iford Manor can lift our spirits at present. That should surely indicate the severity of the situation!

    We miss all our blogging chums and hope to be back online soon.

    In the meantime......this is all huge fun!

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    1. P.S. We meant 'waiters' not writers.......now you know how ill we are!

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    2. Dear Jane and Lance,

      In spite of in our last conversation here me comparing you to Barbara Cartland and a Mills & Boon novelette, I would like to take this opportunity of wishing you a speedy recovery from whatever it is you are ailing so that you can soon get back to your delightful blog posting and cultural activities and save your readers from permanent withdrawal symptoms. Rachelxx

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    3. Dear Rachel,

      That is really kind.

      Thank you. xxxx

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    4. Rachel has said it all for me. I hope you recover quickly, but in the meantime - as you can see - I can do three jobs at once, so I will carry on (as unselfconsciously as I can) until you get better.

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    1. You have been busy this morning John.

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    1. Have you been reading my diary?

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    2. I have but I couldn't stomach the swear words

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    3. Oh dear. I was thinking of doing a revenge if he ever does me John. I will do it, of course.

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    4. ..what a funny 5 days it's been

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    5. Yes, really. We have regained our sense of humour! (this one is a royal 'we')

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  9. This is the greatest post EVER Tom! Hahahaha.

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  10. That would be John Gray of Wales. No one can describe anal glands as succinctly.

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    1. I don't think you can get any more succinct than just saying the name, can you?

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