Tuesday 16 September 2014

Auld Lang Syne

I'm going to throw in my heartfelt plea to the Scots to not break up the United Kingdom this week, not that anyone will take any more notice of me than they do Bob Geldof.

It really all boils down to the fact that nobody can afford a split like this at the moment, either financially, psychologically or spiritually.

The Queen can keep Balmoral and Holyrood, it turns out. She will just turn into Elizabeth, Queen of Scots whilst she's up there, unless Scotland takes the next step and breaks away to form a Republic. Then they might end up with an 'elected' king of the S.N.P.

I have not asked my friends who own castles and villages up there what they think about it, but I daresay they might not care one way or the other. It's hardly going to affect their B & B business too much, unless they find themselves without a credible bank account - or have their property confiscated by Zimbabwean-style 'farmers'.

About forty years ago, an Englishman created an oyster farm in a loch up there, and the locals bitterly resented him for it, accusing him of stealing their natural resources and preventing them from making their own oyster farms in the same loch. The fact that they had no intention of creating an oyster farm was not the point. They mellowed a bit when he reduced the unemployment figures in the area, though, but they still haven't forgiven the Campbells.

I do wonder how they are going to channel the power from the hydro-electric plants away from Liverpool and back up to the homeland, as well. Maybe they will just sell it to them, like the English do now to the French, who then sell it back to England at a profit.

They might have to go back to the old days of teaming up with France to avoid the excise men, and drink brandy instead of their own home-brew.

If anyone should team up with France, it is Cornwall. Everything about Brittany mirrors the Cornwall of 3000 years ago, and it's only a short hop over.

Both areas are virtually ignored by their central governments, and they both share a common - if virtually dead - language.

The thing about Cornwall is that you can stay right next to someone whilst on holiday there, and your neighbour will know absolutely nothing about you, nor find anything out for a whole three weeks.

Up in the sparsely populated Highlands, people can hear you fart from 50 miles away. The talk in the bar on the evening of your fart will go something like this:

"Did you hear that English couple with the dog who are renting a caravan from the McClarens' in Crinnan for 8 nights, fart at 10.30 this morning?"

"Aye."

19 comments:

  1. And just south of La Manche from Cornwall, it's called Cornouaille.

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    1. Is it? Brittany just means 'Home of the Britons', I am guessing.

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  3. Blonde moment. It wasn't anything important.

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  4. Thanks for one giant laugh of the day Tom.

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  5. Your argument contains the common memory that will keep the union together. The Scot's are a canny bunch and for all the bluster want to have electric lights and a bank for their money. I'm betting the the old, wise and silent ones will be the voting majority.

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    1. It's the 16 year-olds with the alcoholic fathers that I'm worried about.

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  6. Can we talk about something else please? I cannot think of anything to say except that the farmers have big No signs on their land and if it goes the way of Yes Scottish hill farmers will be finished. Please let the alcoholic sons of the alcoholic fathers vote No.

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    1. You start the subject, and I'll see what I can do.

      This could be an absolute bloody nightmare, though. The farmers will be fucked.

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    2. Indeed they will. I am writing on my blog about travel.

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  7. your last sentence made me laugh

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  8. "The thing about Cornwall is that you can stay right next to someone whilst on holiday there, and your neighbour will know absolutely nothing about you, nor find anything out for a whole three weeks." That sounds about right for the UK.
    I find this entire thing hilarious.

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    1. There was a little pamphlet given to American G.I.s coming to England in WW2 which describes this sort of thing very well.

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  9. I have no idea whatsoever why some Scots would want to do this. I don't understand how it would benefit anyone.

    Also, haven't they got anything more important to think think about in these crazy times? Seems silly to me. Maybe I'm missing something?

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    1. All you are missing is a three hundred-year old hatred of the English, Jennifer. It's not without reason, but the Scots have very long memories for injustice.

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  10. I was in Argyll when the vote took place; the posters were (I think) about equal. Most of the people we spoke to wanted separation but, after the result was announced, peace still reigned. I do love being in Soctland.

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