Friday 20 June 2014

What could possibly go wrong?


I became transfixed by watching one of my clients take off in their helicopter from the lawn yesterday. Not my lawn, you understand, but their one.

The pilot must have turned the ignition switch, because the engine began to whirr into life and the massive rotor blades slowly started to turn - heading toward the much small blades set at 90 degrees on the tail.

As each large blade headed right into the path of the smaller blades, the smaller ones got out of the way just in time so the big blade swished through the extremely small gap in between them. This happened faster and faster, until both sets of blades were a complete blur, and the sprinkler on a different patch of grass sprayed water in the opposite direction, such was the force of the artificial gale.

Then it elevated to about fifteen feet before dipping its nose and sedately roaring off, leaving me deafened and incredulous.

What an unbelievably crazy way of getting airborne. What trust in the engineers who make the gearboxes. What colossal scope for the possibility for something to go very slightly and very horribly wrong. What a leap in imagination - what blind, trusting faith, to think that you will probably survive a trip in one of these machines.

I am sure Leonardo Da Vinci was only joking when he scribbled the design on the back of a fag-packet, never really believing that we would actually take up the idea.

I have flown in pretty much every type of aircraft except a jet-fighter and a helicopter. Ironically, a hot-air balloon is much more dangerous than a helicopter. I have seen three balloon crashes with my own eyes and was personally involved with two of them - only minor ones involving bruises, and they were both caused by the pilot avoiding the major one of running into overhead power lines.

There is something both ridiculous and admirable about us human's responses to jibes like, "That'll never work!"


25 comments:

  1. Hello Tom,

    Well, one of us is a Mechanical Engineer.......another test......and so we realise how much we owe in the running of our daily lives to these individuals who do know how to make such things as helicopters and washing machines and all manner of other machines work.

    Still, with zero in Mathematics, perhaps this is not a strong point for you. The power of words is awesome too, however!

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    1. Now, by a process of elimination (of one - the Headmistress) I am guessing it is Lance who is the Mechanical Engineer.

      In about a million years, I would never have guessed that either of you were so practical.

      Still, it just goes to show how little I Google-up my followers, eh? I just take people as I find them, and you two took some finding, if I ever did.

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    2. And there I thought that you are socialites with immense trust funds. I think Tom once claimed that you are porn stars, but I always had my doubts.

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    3. That slur was refuted (via a solicitor) within a matter of minutes.

      Being a mechanical engineer doesn't preclude being a socialite. Just look at Howard Hughes and all the structural design work carried out on Jane Mansfield's brassiere.

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    4. Now, surely, one can be in life so very many things! Wrong guess about the Mechanical Engineer...........as for the Porn Stars........!

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  2. As I understand it, there is a correlation between a helicopter and a bumblebee. Apparently, a bumblebee should not be able to fly. When we were first together my husband had just retired from the RAF and decided to train to be a helicopter pilot. He got through the training alright -- just in time for the recession to hit and the jobs to dry up. Fortunately for us, the RAF wanted him back -- but I think he's always wished he'd been able to continue imitating a bumblebee!

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    1. Well, they both fly, and that's all I know. I do know that the dragon-fly has four wings with opposing motions, giving it a swiftness of moving positions when hovering that is the envy of many drone designers.

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  3. Not been up in an helicopter either; but I'd jump at the chance. Just as long as I didn't HAVE to!

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  4. I have been in a hot air balloon { was rather disappointed } but, what I'd really love to do is to fly in a Harrier Jump Jet and experience that vertical take off …… not much chance of that happening though. XXXX

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    1. I think they burn about one ton of fuel an hour, so yes, you are right - not much chance.

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  5. And yet, it is the hot air ballon I ache to go up in...I also want to sky dive before I croak and then if ever I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, before it gets too bad, I will throw myself off the Cliffs of Moher. Heights make me giddily happy! Mostly because I am only 5 foot 1 I suppose.

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    1. Did you miss out a 't'? The Cliffs of Mother were a familiar childhood landscape for me, like the Paps of Jura. I tossed myself off over them. (Actually I DEFINITELY did not, but I couldn't resist the joke).

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  6. You could add a lighter than air craft to your wish list, perhaps, a blimp. For a long time I wanted to try hang gliding. I imagine the gliding would still be fun, but I have little confidence in the "hang" portion.

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    1. They are safer these days. When one wire broke and sent the whole outfit crashing - folded - to the ground, THEN it took courage.

      You have reminded me that I have never glided without power either.

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  7. Tom you can have a helicopter lesson from Bristol airport

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    1. I have flown from there in light aircraft, and paid for it. I am going to chat up my client and get a free ride in a luxury one, with its own pilot.

      Actually, I am going to get a lift to London.

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  8. Methinks the Vetruvian Man has had one hamburger too many!

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  9. If I ever make a pilot's licence - and I am really thinking of it - I want to fly a helicopter.

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    1. Spend a week in Bristol Airport?

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    2. I (we - family) spent three days in Turnbridge Wells (I know the jokes) and the owner of the beautiful hotel had a private helicopter - impressive.

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    3. Tell me the jokes. I don't know them.

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  10. For some reason my brain more readily accepts that a helicopter stays airborne as opposed to a jumbo jet. I know and understand the theory, but when you see them from the ground, apparently going so slowly, they must surely drop out of the sky!

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    1. They may look slow, but I think their stalling speed is about 150 mph.

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