Friday, 27 June 2014

A muzzle - it's the only way


I heard that - and just mentioned it on John's post - a syndicate of Swede's (that's Swedish people, not root vegetables) put a large bet on Suarez biting someone during the World Cup tournament, and have won a lot of money.

This was either a very shrewd assessment of a brilliant but deeply troubled footballer's mind, or a way of having a good laugh over some football games - probably both. Maybe they were all psychoanalysts?

I wonder what the odds were for this bet? Pretty high I would have thought.

I mean, I cannot believe that the coach's last words to Suarez before he left the dressing-room were, "Whatever you do, don't bite anyone - again," even if they were lurking in the back of his mind.

The event itself has produced some very good pictures as well, with the Italian player rolling on the ground to maximise the impact of the situation, whilst Suarez sat on the pitch, biting his own arm as if to say, "Look - it wasn't personal!"

And what is it about biting? Maybe this is because it is drilled into them that they must keep their hands well out of play unless making a throw-in or keeping the goal. It probably doesn't specifically mention teeth in the rule-book, and I think it is quite legal to use your teeth in a header, even if it is not to be advised.

I think that the only reason that Tyson bit people's ears off is because it is difficult to strangle someone whilst wearing boxing-gloves.

I cannot imagine a more primal act of aggression than to bite someone. It harks back to the time before our thumbs became opposable. Usually, it is only women and children who bite these days.

Suarez's million dollar feet are so far away from his 10 cent mouth, that they are probably totally disconnected.

I cannot imagine what is going on in the Liverpool board-room right now, as lawyers wrestle with the ban and try to retain the value of the player at the same time as trying to off-load him.

I bet Rachel would have something to say about this, if she were still following me. I'm waiting for the World Cup to be over before I return to her blog.

23 comments:

  1. Do his upper teeth stick out because he bites people, or does he bite people because his teeth stick out? Toddler behaviour, either way.

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  2. Maybe Suarez was in on the bet! One good reason for biting.

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    1. It must have been a good punt to make it worth the loss of income.

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  3. That tongue looks horribly like a piece of gnawed off flesh to me......am currently your highest bidder but the other one looks like a pro so I'm not sure I'll get it.

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    1. Em! I hope you do get it, and I hope you get it at a good price! (for me).

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  4. I wouldn't bite anyone unless they asked me real nice.

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  5. On the instigation of the BBC website I followed up a new-to-me Twitter site this week, @TheTweetOfGod.
    To quote, "Suarez is a great player, but he must lay off the Italian food"

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  6. Surely a friendly love-bite between friends is OK ?

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  7. I love the way the Times Diary said that the results of the ban were to be published at 2.30, thus making the old dental joke (tooth-hurty)!

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    1. Oh yes! I haven't heard that one for ages!

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  8. There was a Norwegian got odds of 175/1 for the same bet, so the Swedish syndicate could be in that region.

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    1. I wish I had thought of asking Ladbrokes.

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  9. "Suarez's million dollar feet are so far away from his 10 cent mouth, that they are probably totally disconnected."
    You wrote a whole post in order to use that line. Not to worry, it was a good read from top to bottom.

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    1. With teeth just toward the top? I am not worried.

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  10. He's a fucking great footballer so shut up and he's on his way to Barcelona right now. See you in three weeks Stephenson.

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  11. What an idiot! I think that they should pull all his teeth. Let him try to sink his gums into someone!

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