Friday 11 April 2014

By Royal Appointment


I'll start by showing you the only surviving 16th century, half-timbered building left in Bath. Many people who have lived here all their lives have never seen it, simply because it is tucked away, out of sight. This was the furthest I could get away from it and still take a picture, so hemmed-in is it by later buildings.

It's the same old story - things that are ignored usually survive very well. It is the ones which receive attention from the planners that are most often destroyed.

Now, back to toilet bowls. I reminded myself of the name of our ceramic convenience this morning by peering at the maker's name printed in quite small letters on its inside. Normally, unless I am throwing up, I try to keep my head as far out of the bowl as possible, but today I got as near to the lettering as I dared to read the model title, in much smaller letters than the maker's, which is 'BRISTOL'.

It is - wait for it - IMPERIUS.

I would check to see if the spelling is as incorrect as my computer tells me (missing an 'o') but the chamber is currently occupied by H.I. and I think it can wait until she gets out. I'll get back to you about that one.

What a fantastically inappropriate title for a toilet - as if the act of using it could be made any more dignified by it.

I have an image of a minor member of the royal family posing haughtily on it for an advertising photo-shoot, having fallen on hard times so in dire need of money. Fergie just wouldn't be royal enough, she would have a huge grin on her very open face.

No, it would have to be a male from the House of Windsor - Prince Michael of Kent, for instance, staring detachedly into the middle distance with his silk pantaloons around his ankles.

28 comments:

  1. I've just checked - yes, it is spelt that way. The thing was obviously made when spell-checking was done using massive hard-backed dictionaries. Unless it was the name of the maker's eldest son...

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  2. I am having dinner break and do not wish to be reminded of heads in toilets, puking or anything about toilets again.



    The timbered house reminds me of mine and it is not a figment of my vivid imagination.

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    1. Is yours proper 16th century too, or is it one of those mock-tudor things like I grew up in?

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    2. Oh dear..........I retract my words from yesterday

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    3. You better get over to Molly's and tell her you weren't obsessing with St. Sebastian again, too.

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    4. There is a catholic priest living in my attic still hiding from The Reformation. That's why I bought it of course.

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    5. Don't get John started on Priest's Holes.

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  3. Evelyn Waugh (I think) coined the phrase 'Thunder Box', which takes a lot of beating.

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    1. That was how my people referred to it as well. (note the chummy use of 'my people').

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  4. M couldn't remember the name of our 1949 one I'm afraid and, whilst I could go and knock on the door and ask the man who bought the house, I wish to retain a smidgen of dignity in the village. I thought I might be able to find something on Google but am struggling with search parameters! Imperius is great. That poor house seems to have a modern metal rail crunching into the window. No respect.

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    1. Just knock on the bloody door. What have you got to lose apart from your dignity?

      Yes, that's a fire escape about 6 feet away from the front. Note the rolling security spikes above it. Nice.

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    2. And I wasn't changing the subject.

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    3. More concerned about your unconscious exaggeration to be honest.

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  5. Hm, I had to look into the German translation for 'Imperius'. So that would be 'the one who gives commands'?

    Assuming that the toilet would be the Imperius and not the user the toilet would probably tell you to "Just do It."

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    1. The Romans used to have special rooms off banqueting halls called 'Vomitariums'.

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  6. If you want to spend a penny in Germany, you often find sanitary facilities of "Ideal Standard". I think that is a beautiful oxymoron, because either it is exceptional = ideal - or it is standard. Your IMPERIUS must be the former.

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    1. There is a great Indian restaurant in West London called, 'The Standard'. When people ask me what it's like, I say, "Standard".

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  7. I was too focused on the loo and completely forgot to ask about the building. Is it now someone's home?

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    1. No, it's the ignored side wall of a very boring shop.

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    2. Which very boring shop is it, please?

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    3. It used to be called, 'Stone The Crows' (tatty nick-nacks') but I'm not sure what it is now. Maybe Kath Kidston, but I always try to shut my eyes when I walk past her shop.

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    4. P.S. Eileen - I sometimes miss late comments, because - you know me - I'm off like a racehorse to the next topic, so alert me to any on the latest post if you REEELLY want a reply.

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    5. OK, thanks for the reply. I live in Trowbridge and didn't know there was a building of that age in Bath.

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    6. It's at the back of the courtyard of 'Milsom Place', near the Cote restaurant area. You'll find it.

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  8. re you picture: I thought that in early half-timbered construction, the plaster/lime/cob mix was always flush with the wooden construction. Above I see that it seems to be an inch or more back..... is that modern?

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    1. That is certainly not the original infill, but I don't know whether or not it is in the right position.

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